Internet Tranny Sociology Thread

[Mal]

• Lingering feelings of depression, listlessness, and miasma; altered states of consciousness brought on by brain-fogging drugs like SSRIs, Benadryl - never stimulants.
  

The "never stimulants" part is completely wrong though, as someone who has browsed 420chan extensively in the past (out of mainly curiosity), there were MANY trannies in the stimulants board and given the site had a board for trannies too it's safe to say there were manny trannies. That board contained many crazy stories of absolutely tweaked out escapades, and a majority of them sexual given its an easy way for those meth users to pass days by. Trannies extensively are into disassociatives like ketamine or DXM as well. You have to remember many trannies used to be just "weird" hyper online White teens, many of whom would have extensive experience with ADD or ADHD drugs like adderall, vyvanse, and modafinil. What you didn't find on the liquor, opioids, and benzos boards were trannies really. You found older drug users who had experience with dope for too long, alcoholics, and sometimes the odd Chinese businessman discussing his favorite tea and klonopin regimen for the day. Trannies are far more likely to buy synthetic stimulants for cheap on dark markets than they are expensive dope, and they're smart enough to know fentanyl will kill them. Some of the more normlfag ones might take SSRIs or benzos, but really you're looking at mostly adderalled up touhou or some rhythm game playing while taking drags out of some blueraspberry vape and listening to "sewerslvt" type fast music trannies.

[MolaRam]

I don’t think trannies are autistic enough to poast on Internet forums that move at literally slower than molasses. Trannies seem to be high speed low drag operators (most of them don’t pass).

[Guest]

I don’t think trannies are autistic enough to poast on Internet forums that move at literally slower than molasses. Trannies seem to be high speed low drag operators (most of them don’t pass).

Counter-point: SA's (D&D/Laissez Faire)/Lainchan (or any of the post-Systemspace chans)/Arcadehacking Forums/Emulation Forums. In our time, the majority of activity tends to be confined to Discord. In 2022, serious tranny political theorists are a rare breed, but they didn't use to be (and could be found easily in the mid naughts). Part of the issue is that no one has a clear idea or vision of what a tranny politik/philosophy should be (yet see 'T4T'), so it remains reactive to the right and runs off the steam of the older visions of queer theory. Preeminent voices like Contrapoints are terminal midwits.

It would be nice to have a comprehensive transhumanist vision, augmented by exclusionary/insular subculture - and there are some nascent strands of this amongst tech trannies in the venture capital world, but nothing (as far as I've seen) has manifested. Regretfully, those who share this orientation are very liable to fall into the trappings of rationalism/post-rationalism (see Doll Twitter or the scene around eigenrobot).

[anthony]

Where Amarna and the trannies fundamentally diverge is that we (or at least *I*) try to recognise and understand this severance from the natural rhythm of life. Really I think this *severed* state is what we're talking about when we discuss autism in the 21st century internet. I'm largely writing this post as a prototype for ideas I want to bring up in an eventual thread on that subject.

If troons and chuds are both from the same group but just diverged from each other, (like the hilarious trannycore meme of the fork in the road with a a nice looking castle and an evil looking castle) why is there no tranny equivalent to the Amarna Forum? Or even just Gigachad dialogues? Not everybody understood.

They aren't creatively sterile. There are troons making breakcore, video game mods, etc. And most Chuds don't have an amarna forum, extremely funny and clever new literary forms, or anything of the like. Most people are boring and retarded. I'd say if anything the connection is strong here, that intelligence does manifest, just in odd neurotic pursuits.

[anthony]

What do you think caused the Chud/Troon divergence? Everybody was given a chance to understand during gamergate/2016 but very few actually stuck along. It's the same with the bruh5moment american types (quasi right wingers that use the phrase "goes hard") who were given equal exposure but clearly ended up not understanding. Besides, I wouldn't equate having a niche hobby as an indicator of anything in and of itself.

That thing BAP says feels relevant. "Tribe of Truth". I think that the higher chud is defined by a refusal to take any outs while learning more about the world. You're right to raise the ironyfags and such. I see a similar phenomena. It's harder to be a chud than a tranny or an ironyfag. Both are fundamentally different to us in that there are certain true things that will set them off. We might be able to get along on a lot of points, but somewhere they turn from the truth and take some kind of out.

[Guest]

What do you think caused the Chud/Troon divergence? [...]

One should be careful with treating the two groups as simply forking at a given point in the road. In concrete terms, autogynephilia is more of a sexuality than a fetish - which is to say all consuming as opposed to simple a specific niche taste augmented on top of normal heterosexuality. It also acts a positive feedback loop:

[the more a boy fantasizes about being a female -> the more he feels broken as a male -> the more he leans into the escapism of a virtualized female identity]

On a concrete level, this acts as pre-existing separator between AGP autists and the greater breed of autists. Simply put, it isn't just a matter of choosing which direction to go when under the influence of pre-existing flows of desire.

The answer to your question is that a number of extremely online trannies did go MAGA in 2016, particularly given how easy it was to despise Hillary. Lots of the 4chan /lgbt/ variants did. By 2017-2018 with discussion of Bathroom Bills, and the incredible potency of the anti-trump movement, the social pressure became too great. At the same time, there was a rising hostility towards trannies within RW digital subcultures. If there was the potential for some ambiguity and movement, it disappeared around then and tribalism asserted itself. There was the side that meme'd about gassing you, and the side of absolute state-enforced affirmation. The wave function collapsed. The trannies that straddled the line back then either returned to left-wing fold, or abandoned politics entirely in favor of their autistic pursuits: choosing to turn away from the world entirely.  The somewhat apolitical nature of Lain trannies, or other types with ultra-niche disconnected interests in part stems from this. One side wants to treat them as a cattle to fill voting booths, another wants to remove them from public life - a terminal blackpill.

[Zed]

The following is a major portion for a draft for an article that I intended to submit anonymously on a prominent substack. As that never ended up happening, I may as well leave it here for feedback. It explores an important angle almost never discussed.

[... earlier sections of the article discussed genealogical concerns - I will omit them ...]

1.2 Absolute Escapism

As stated, I believe all the above theories contain a not-so easily quantifiable degree of truth. Yet none speak to feel that characterizes transition: An inner experience. A liminal moment. An intense need to change. Nor do they speak to the prodromal state: Profound brokenness, desire for salvation, and wistfulness interceded only in fits of spastic jealousy. And long before any tranny undergoes transition, they retain fantasies of its prospect  - and these experiences constitute elaborate cognitive simulations. Some explore these fantasies by roleplaying, others within internal fantasy.

It is at this juncture, facing these questions, that we can most intuitively re-simulate the experience. Before hormones, before surgery, before any of it — there is that element of pure raw fantasy. Sometimes it can be sexual, tied to fantasies of having some dude fuck the living shit out of you. Sometimes it may tend towards fetishistic, oriented towards getting turned into an obedient sissy. It is the feeling of looking at the beautiful girl on the bus. Wondering what it would be like to be her. Intense longing. Overcome by unimaginable envy at the thought. And sometimes, just sometimes, it is just the wholesome fantasy of being a wife and mother. No one is the same, and all fantasies come packaged differently.

This is the fundamental point. Virtuality and fantasy are prior to EVERYTHING, and it would be a mistake to regard them as idle. To steal from Gene Wolf:  […] they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges […] it is a profound mistake to believe that we must know of such things to be influenced by them, and in fact to believe so is to believe in the most debased and superstitious kind of magic. The would-be sorcerer alone has faith in the efficacy of pure knowledge; rational people know that things act of themselves or not at all.

As we are not sorcerers, we need not be esoteric on these matters. This process is more mechanical than it first appears seems. And it is more cybernetic than mechanical. Recall the positive feedback loop: The cybernetic process that continually exaggerates and intensifies itself. I believe dysphoria works like that, emerging in repeated iterations of the fantastic process. An example may convey the idea:

A young boy who continually retreats into fantasies about being a woman. These fantasies bring comfort, pleasure, and an escape from the reality of his life. Yet these fantasies also intensify his desire for escape, inspiring a feeling of brokenness. The boy knows in his heart that he lacks a virility common in all socially successful men. He feels that no woman could ever a love a man who fantasies about being a woman. And faced with his brokenness, he returns to fantasy. More day-dreaming, more wistfulness, and more envy. It all accumulates, until any last sense of masculine self-identity (if there was ever much to begin with) is eroded to the core - few vestiges remain. And then he waits, until the moment comes that a divine spark of inspiration comes and tells him to simply cast it all way. Which is to say, all it takes is one bad day.

I draw from my own psychological history here, but there is nothing particularly special about me. In the thousands of posts and testimonies I’ve read over the last decade, these same basic threads are rewoven into a nigh endless multiplicity of narratives and reified into our social reality. 

The internet interfaces with virtualities in four distinct ways.

First, it provides a controlled simulation space for digital explorations of alterity.  You will find that many have extensive MMO backgrounds, first exploring female identification with avatars in those virtual worlds. By its nature as a kind of manifest concept space, the internet disembodies and derealizes us, allowing an abstract self to be transcribed into binary, shaped by according digital symbols possessing nigh infinite mutability. We are not our alters, and our alters are not us - but we are also not not them. There is a reason many of us are obsessed with Serial Experiments Lain - “She is just like me!”

Secondly, the presence of other trannies who have already undergone the process act as inspiration. Especially the pretty ones, who offer hope of a positive result.

Third, when he does begin transitioning, internet communities act as social support systems and provide external affirmation to his choice. See the uncountable number of “Am I trans?” threads on Reddit. There, the individual stands upon the cusp, just wanting to be told that “It is okay…”. To the extent that “””“grooming””” plays any kind of substantial role in tranny spaces, this is the real nature of it. It comes from people seeking affirmation, and others giving it. More exotic, manipulative, and darker forms do exist in the darker spaces of the internet. But they lay deep down weeb-ish and furry rabbit holes.

For the final way that transsexuality interfaces with the internet, we must concede that it is fundamentally a meme. There is nothing exceptional in this, though. It is a meme in the same way that religion, politics, and language itself are. Once one begins to have cross-gender fantasies, the social meme serves to provide context for feelings that defy simple explanations and logic. We attempt at all points to explain ourselves to ourselves in the terms and tools that are at hand. When we learn that transition is a possibility, it becomes paints the horizon with possibility. Cross-gender fantasies have always existed, but mere awareness of the potentiality of their realization changes everything.

1.3 Causes (local)

Let us roll the concepts of the last section into a shitty acronym. Call it the Virtual Dysphoria Machine - the VDM. An extremely tranny name for an extremely tranny concept. If we allow ourselves to grant that the VDM works in the way prescribed above, then we have gained (some) insight into the process - but not yet the nature of the cause. As a positive feedback loop, we believe the VDM eventually generates intense overwhelming dysphoria. A hatred of the body. But it does not exist in isolation. Instead, it constantly interfaces with the social and is subject to other external and internal forces

A. “I can be a socially successful male”

This is a belief, but I would prefer to think of it as a force. A belief influencing behavior. Call it a ‘belief-force’. you’re a handsome and good-looking guy who has had success within the dating market, you’re straight out less likely to transition early. And if you’re Caitlyn fucking Jenner, the concept might be so paralyzing to you that it might dampen the VDM-autorecursion for four fucking decades. High status/sexual market value has a strong repressing effect.

B. “I am not desirable as a male.”

Another belief-force and the negation of the preceding. If you think this way, you’re suddenly far more likely to consider the transition. Not only is your assigned sex undesirable to others, but you yourself are also hostile to it (you believe that it prevents you from having the best life you can). Perhaps you would be more desirable as a woman, and you would certainly be more sexually satisfied by it. So say you are a 17-year-old 5’6 anime autist with abysmal social skills. You masturbate to the DANKEST /d/ futanari five times a day. Women look at you like you have HIV. Or as a potential rapist. Probably both. You’re probably already begging your mom for estrogen daily. The thought consumes you. If you’re not obsessing, you’re LARPING and sad-posting on 4chan’s /tttt/.

C. “I would be an ugly woman.”

Non-passing trannies tend towards a certain look. Sometimes they inspire disgust, sometimes comedy. No one wants to be a disgusting joke. And except for 4chan adjacent spaces, trannies do not talk about this directly - the conversation is (culturally regarded as) a cruelty inflicted on those who simply waited too long, or had the wrong genetics for it. Yet all trannies are aware of it, in some deep way. And for most, the sum of all fears is thus: People would see me as a disgusting clown. If you believe this, you will probably repress. If someone still transitions well retaining this thought, then they have ascended to a low-grade sociopathy and simply ceased to care about the beliefs of others. Nietzschean? Degenerate? Depends on your tastes. Alternatively, they may come to recognize the belief-force as erroneous — either in truth or in delusion.

D. “I would probably pass.”

Again, the negation. If you can perceive yourself as passing, you are not only highly motivated to transition, but time has become a albatross. Every moment, every second postponed is a moment of further masculinization. This belief, more than any other, allows the VDM to spiral into overdrive in the case of teenagers. The fear of what they might lose is overwhelming. Opportunity cost is everything here.

E. “My parents/peer group/partner would disown/leave me.”

Weakly negating, but not as much as others. Unless you have extremely tight bonds, this serves to repress the VDM only insofar as it inspires resentment of those people who inhibit you. Once the resentment hits a certain threshold, it ceases to be negating. At such a point, it radically switches towards amplification: transition as an act of vengeance against those who held you back. There are a lot of trannies who take a certain naked pleasure in the thought of obtaining surgery, as a means of vengeance to inflict upon their parents. A most grotesque, if understandable, pleasure.

F. “I will go to hell.”

Strongly negating. But the mechanism works exactly the same as (E). Inhibition inspires resentment, which will in turn lead to one questioning their faith. Strongly atheist ex-Christian trannies are a dime a dozen.

G. “I would be accepted by all those I care about.”

…requires no discussion. Absolutely untethers the VDM. If you believe that you can realize your fantasy and not lose anyone you hold dear. The only inhibitions that will remain are concerns about aesthetics (C, D) or concerns about faith (E). If neither presents a challenge, you’ve probably already scheduled an appointment with an informed consent clinic or googling DIY HRT.

All of these belief forces exist outside the VDM. They speak to one’s social relationships and status within society. For the sake of clarity, they should be contrasted with the dominant belief-forces existing internal to the VDM. Let us distill one such example.

“I desire to be a woman, and no one would ever desire a man who fantasizes about being a woman.”

I believe that the VDM is driven by self-referential beliefs such as this.  An auto-reference generates an infinite recursion, manifesting in thought-loops, depression, and choice paralysis. By contrast, the belief-forces described above are not self-referential - they have tied directly to individuals' perceptions of their social reality. These things may or may not be interconnected in other ways, but I have not speculated past this point.


4. Causes (Global)

One of the driving features of VDM is the potentiality of transition itself. Call it the primordial infohazard. The moment we become aware that it is done, that someone somewhere in the world a man has made himself pass as a woman, is the moment that we feel most intensely the desire it.

In the early 2000s, pornography was the first infohazard. At the very least, it was from porn that a lot of people learned that transition was both possible (and that some people got good results from it). By the late naughts, Tumblr served to widely disseminate the concept into the collective unconscious. As of $CURRENT_YEAR, the online trans-community is sprawling - hundreds if not thousands of influencers and microcelebrities. Knowledge of specific surgeries, and hormone replacement theory, is no longer constrained to a small group of trannies and the associated medical professionals — but is fairly widely disseminated in the Wired.

Fundamentally, it was the internet that created the conditions for this, allowing geographically divergent communities to assemble into convergent digital ones, creating the proper pre-conditions for large-scale meme dissemination from small sources. Every child who is growing up now and for as long as the internet exists in its current form will know about us. About who & what we are. And if they have the appropriate preconditions and predisposition, they will begin to speculate on the possibility of transitioning themselves. From there, the psychological process described above will be enacted with brutal efficacy.

Yet the internet contributed in a second indirect way. The proliferation of dating apps has led to an absolute boom in the average woman’s self-esteem, and an absolute bust for men. Parts of incel culture, the ‘dating pareto principle’, ’female hypergamy’,  etc… have also become common-knowledge. Those with a feminist inclination may dispute them, but their truth is a red-herring. If males believe they are true, then they might as well be. As a consequence, the average male comes to feel substantially less sexually desirable than he once may have. This feeds back into a local cause: belief-force (B).

Finally, we should credit to Bronze Age Pervert for conceptually isolating yet another ‘global’ cause. This is the concept of ‘owned space’, which is challenging to express in a mere few sentences. Eschewing the concepts of spiritual connotations that naturally underlie it, it asserts that modern society stifles the ability of young boys to explore the world around them. This is very intuitive, but hard to convey concretely. Consider the following sentence:

“If you work really hard in school, and go to the right college, you can probably get a job at Amazon or Google someday.”

Only those with the right attunement can sense the sinister nature at work here. As children, we dream of many great and lofty things. We do not, however, dream of working a 9-5 in FAANG cubicle. Of spending our disposable income on mediocre video games and trashy streaming services. Or of being divorced, alone, and paying child support.  Yet we are aware that this is our probable future - if we are lucky enough to even make it. The world is smaller now than it once was, and our dreams are smaller still. To be born a few hundred years ago was to know a world that was still a mystery, to hold tight to the dream that one day you could claim part of that world for yourself. Few and fewer hold such dreams now. We are taught to be conservative with our desires. We should want a small apartment, eco-friendly electric car, and enough disposable income for weekly visits to the local Wine & Cheese bar. This is a good life. This is what the New York Times sells me, and it is what it sells all of us.

Like homosexuality, BAP implicitly suggests transsexuality emerges as a reaction to this, at least in the presence of a child with high sensitivity. As BAP largely restricts his discussion to homosexuality, I will attempt an extrapolation for trannies: If the ‘male conception’ of power is perceived as debased and undesirable to the sensitive child, then the ‘female conception’ is ascendant - the power of being desired, the power OnlyFans stars exert on legions of adoring simps. In our terms, this generates the entire predisposition for the VDM. Fantasies of being a woman become the escape from bland masculinity. As these become internalized, and eventually sexualized, femininity and submission are elevated to power fantasies. As much as this might seem a contradiction in terms, it is manifest in the intense jealousy that some prodromal trannies feel towards attractive women. We did, if nothing else, come of age in a world of dominant #GirlBosses.

[anthony]

The following is a major portion for a draft for an article that was to be published anonymously on a prominent substack. As that never ended up happening, I may as well leave it here for feedback. It explores an important angle almost never discussed.

Thanks for sharing. I read the whole thing. Your devotion to the discourse is admirable, especially considering how personal this is to you.

Would you be averse to answering questions on this subject? I think i might have a few.

[Zed]

The following is a major portion for a draft for an article that was to be published anonymously on a prominent substack. As that never ended up happening, I may as well leave it here for feedback. It explores an important angle almost never discussed.

Thanks for sharing. I read the whole thing. Your devotion to the discourse is admirable, especially considering how personal this is to you.

Would you be averse to answering questions on this subject? I think i might have a few.

Not averse at all. Ask away.

[anthony]

Not averse at all. Ask away.

All right. First thing on my mind. This part.

A young boy who continually retreats into fantasies about being a woman. These fantasies bring comfort, pleasure, and an escape from the reality of his life. Yet these fantasies also intensify his desire for escape, inspiring a feeling of brokenness. The boy knows in his heart that he lacks a virility common in all socially successful men.

Where do you believe that these fantasies come from? I understand that this is a broad question as the issue is accumulating so much history so quickly now and could be split into several eras.

How young, and what kind of fantasies? Are fantasies of being a woman from the start, or do they start life as a girl?

I understand that now the most likely source of this idea is some adult (or older youth) explicitly telling a child "unhappiness is often caused by being the wrong gender." but the issue I think ran in far more interesting directions before our current dark age.

Don't feel obliged to speak about personal experience here if you'd rather not.

[Zed]

Not averse at all. Ask away.

All right. First thing on my mind. This part.

A young boy who continually retreats into fantasies about being a woman. These fantasies bring comfort, pleasure, and an escape from the reality of his life. Yet these fantasies also intensify his desire for escape, inspiring a feeling of brokenness. The boy knows in his heart that he lacks a virility common in all socially successful men.

Where do you believe that these fantasies come from? I understand that this is a broad question as the issue is accumulating so much history so quickly now and could be split into several eras.

How young, and what kind of fantasies? Are fantasies of being a woman from the start, or do they start life as a girl?

I understand that now the most likely source of this idea is some adult (or older youth) explicitly telling a child "unhappiness is often caused by being the wrong gender." but the issue I think ran in far more interesting directions before our current dark age.

Don't feel obliged to speak about personal experience here if you'd rather not.

The first variations of these fantasies occurred when I was around six years old. They were presexual in the sense that I engaged in a kind of proto-masturbation behavior, pillow grinding, at their thought. At that time, I had minimal understanding of gender or sex, but I had vivid fantasies of my mother turning me into a girl. I had no dysphoria. Later, my presexual fantasies would shift to vampires and the thought of getting bitten and transformed into one (ages 7-9). In late elementary school, I returned to the fantasies of being a girl in a vague and difficult-to-quantify sense, but still with no dysphoria. I was preoccupied with video games and legos, and understood girls my age even more poorly than I understood other boys. By then, I was aware that puberty would soon happen and I had an expectation my sexuality would become normal. In reality, puberty brought an extreme intensification. Not only did I start to notice beautiful women daily, but I would also find myself constantly experiencing intense fantasies about being one. Before I had access to the internet, I masturbated to fashion magazines and make-up ads. But never at her as her -  only at the fantasy of being her.

I do not know why I was predisposed to this, and I wish I could give a satisfying answer to your first question. Though I felt no feel dysphoria when I was very young, I found adult men extremely unrelatable. For most of my early childhood, my mother (who had severe BPD and Borderline Personality Disorder) dated a low-IQ Italian man whose idea of entertainment was getting drunk and watching football/NASCAR - or getting high with his guido bros. And the man who I considered my father was miserable and self-hating, with terminal case of oneitis. Either way, I felt a revulsion towards this peasant masculinity as early as eight years old, and I could not see myself in any of them, or in my peers. I could not understand men as anything but brutish. Ariosophy (Sunny) once suggest that those who posses higher latent sensitivities are more naturally drawn to fantasize and explore a variety of alternative aesthetic experiences, and are apt to have more balanced sense of maleness/femaleness. tending towards harmony as opposed to polarity. This felt like a deep intuitive truth when I read it, but it is perhaps too flowery for this discussion.

Now, the nature of these fantasies shifted with time and internet exposure. Early in puberty, I could get off purely to the idea of just being a girl, with no sexual connations. By fourteen, I was playing with cross-dressing and stolen makeup, the latter being the primary fixation for some time. After exposure to erotica, things shifted again and I started to have fantasies involving being dominated and feminized by a man. These fantasies typically had an arc: I would be abducted, feminized, and forced into a position of sexual subservience. At that point, they began to stabilize. There was no preference strong between girl and woman, and if anything - the fantasies slightly favored a sexualized beautiful woman. Yet I would say that the desire to be a feminized male/tranny was even more potent than the desire of being fully female, as it imposed a higher level of submission. I did have other sexual fantasies, but they almost universally entailed a 'transformation' aspect - some of the weirdest included having parts of my brain surgically removed, being transmogrified into an evangelion-style LCL fluid, and being turned into a computer. Liminality and the process of becoming dominated my sexual landscape. A few years ago, I read Bataille's book on eroticism and it resonated with me deeply; as he spoke directly to a certain transcendental sacrificial element in sex, and a liminal moment within the ritual. In accordance with the previous post, the more I entertained these fantasies, the more I came to hate and resent the fact that I was born male. I also felt humiliated and broken by them, but this only drove me to seek further refuge in them. They were the escape.

Now, those are merely sexual fantasies. Whatever passive day-dreaming I engaged in during those years was also marked by a tendency to self-insert as female. Including power fantasies. Violent murder fantasies. Or fantastic roleplaying fantasies. Whatever they might have been, they always involved contextualizing myself as a woman. I would vividly imagine a dreamed-up future, and see myself as a woman within it. In these non-sexual fantasies, I tended to favor dominant women over submissive ones. I did not desire to be powerless. I had a naive expectation that I would kill myself before I turned twenty, and so I allowed my escapism free reign to daydream of myself however I wish. When I discovered attractive trannies existed (around 15 or so), I maintained fantasies about being with them - but not sexually. More a desire towards someone who might understand me. I quickly considered becoming one, but was disgusted by the reality of SRS and felt I lacked some inherent femininity required to pull it off. Research into sexology and Blanchard also turned me off for a time. As time passed, these fantasies became progressively more dominating and intrusive. Actual dysphoria was manifested by the time I was 16, but it remained weak enough to be ignored for several years after the fact.

[anthony]

Thank you. I'm very impressed with your willingness to explore your own nature with others. I think that's an overly rare trait online, not just among this group and that one but in general.

Though I felt no feel dysphoria when I was very young, I found adult men extremely unrelatable. For most of my early childhood, my mother (who had severe BPD and Borderline Personality Disorder) dated a low-IQ Italian man whose idea of entertainment was getting drunk and watching football/NASCAR - or getting high with his guido bros. And the man who I considered my father was miserable and self-hating, with terminal case of oneitis. Either way, I felt a revulsion towards this peasant masculinity as early as eight years old, and I could not see myself in any of them, or in my peers. I could not understand men as anything but brutish.

Very, very interesting. This seems like a common but not essential trend. A generally unpleasant sounding (I figure) upbringing and socialisation in which a sensitive boy is only exposed to insensitive masculinity and bounces off of it. I remember the case study at the beginning of the book 'The Man Who Would Be Queen' opens with an absent father and an emotionally needy mother (amusingly the writer thinks nothing of this and dismisses family circumstances as normal and not at all potentially problematic or relevant in this case).

I know for a fact that this doesn't inherently lead to this, because it also works as a description of me. I do believe it probably has to lead to some kind of neurosis and identity struggle however, because again, it works as a description of me.

Do you feel like you had a reasonably developed sense of a relationship with masculinity through how you saw it around you before you developed the fascination with femininity? It's very tempting to pin a hard causation right here, but I know better than to settle anything that easily. Just interested in how you line these things up chronologically and if any kind of relationship seems apparent to you.

This might sound dumb but were you into video games? Or anything particularly *male* beyond lego? I ask because I know for a fact that while I bounced off of the examples of masculinity all around me irl growing up, I had a role model who taught me that real masculinity was meant to be more than this and undoubtedly put me on the path to being here.

Show Content

Real Masculinity, what life is meant to be

Anything of the like for you? Doesn't have to be games. For me it wasn't about the mechanical appeal of shooting a gun so much as the greater vision of Halo. The seriousness and scope of its world and conflict, the order and purpose of what's going on. Was there any alternative masculine vision of the world you found appealing at any point?

Ariosophy (Sunny) once suggest that those who posses higher latent sensitivities are more naturally drawn to fantasize and explore a variety of alternative aesthetic experiences, and are apt to have more balanced sense of maleness/femaleness. tending towards harmony as opposed to polarity. This felt like a deep intuitive truth when I read it, but it is perhaps too flowery for this discussion.

I just see this as unnecessarily convoluted. The sensitive do not want to live like grugs and will bounce off of grug-world. They'll gravitate to finer things, and denied those they'll get weird. As Gore Vidal put it, the unfed mind devours itself. I find the framing of high and low infinitely more useful than 'maleness/femaleness' or whatever that stupid faggot Sunny prefers. I did not lack for femaleness in my childhood. I was surrounded by horrid women who had far too much influence over me. The trouble again was that they were low types. Grug men and stupid, shrill, controlling women. How's that for gender balance?

I think it's in fact quite easy to argue that grug culture is insufficiently masculine, if we define masculinity as self-assertion, cultivation, and aspiration. Grugs are a longhouse-friendly form of humanity. Autists are not. The proof is in who those harpies really go after. But I'm getting off track now and attacking the beliefs of someone who isn't present through a proxy representative, which is a trap that can lead to lots of poor communication and wasted time.

Last thing for the minute

Actual dysphoria was manifested by the time I was 16

What do you consider to be the difference between all of your feelings up to this point and "dysphoria"? Do you consider this a substantial distinction between dysphoric and pre-dysphoric (whatever that means to you) feelings?

[Zed]

...

I appreciate your questions. Your first post in this thread was one of the most insightful and careful takes I've read, and was the inspiration to post/engage here in the first place. As interesting as these spaces are to me, I find that few take the time to genuinely and empathetically understand a thing they find distasteful - to put it mildly. It is an admirable and genuine curiosity.

Do you feel like you had a reasonably developed sense of a relationship with masculinity through how you saw it around you before you developed the fascination with femininity?

Honestly, not in the least. I frankly did not understand masculinity, and immediately resented the caricature I perceived of it. I also did not really understand women, even in my envy of them. Even into puberty, neither gender made much sense to me and I presumed my failure to comprehend was indicative of autism on my part. And what little I did understand of women, I despised. It is a difficult contradiction, to both despise a thing and intensely wish to be it. Ironically, I would say that I have a more developed sense of masculinity now. I have seven years on my wife and have routinely found myself in positions where I had a degree of social influence over younger trannies who esteemed me. The implicit expectations and challenges that come with such a role force one to make an aspirational figure of oneself, even up to fabrication and myth-making, and to promote certain healthier values over those prominent in the milieu. This led to developing an almost sense of paternal duty towards them. At the very least, sometimes I've been successful in pushing them to not cut their dicks off. In so far as I perceive anything masculine above myself, duty and intellectual curiosity are perhaps the only really identifiable traits. Perhaps also an inclination towards edginess?

This might sound dumb but were you into video games?

Extensively. JRPGs starting at Final Fantasy 7, Metal Gear Solid (and all its sequels), Unreal Tournament, Planescape: Torment, Disgaea, Morrowind, GTA3 (and onwards), Warcraft 3, TF2, WoW, DoTA, DayZ… These days, I’ve become the Fromsoft meme. I still play MMOs occasionally, though I lack the time needed to get as hype-invested in them as I once did.

Anything of the like for you?

I played MGS 1&2 before I turned 13. They had a deep and lasting influence on my psychology, oriented my initial readings in philosophy, and perhaps traumatized me in certain ways. I also participated in the closed beta of WoW. A cursed and evil game, but it was an incredible awe-inspiring experience to be there in those early days - to find friends and community there, where I lacked them IRL. I don’t really feel that kind of awe from games anymore, and it was perhaps something that could only be experienced if one was present when optimism was still pervasive.

Was there any alternative masculine vision of the world you found appealing at any point?

Many, mostly anime. Gurren Lagann comes to mind. As does Berserk. Cowboy Bebop. The arc of Shirou in Fate/Stay Night. More recently, Red Dead Redemption 2. Though I preferred dating trannies, I’ve also dated men, and the man I loved most deeply was also the one that exposed me to redpilled (as it was called then) and far-right internet culture.  I loved, worshipped, and idolized him. Perhaps part of me wanted to be him, as much as I wanted to be his. In retrospect, I think some of his personality traits rubbed off on me. He was certainly the most influential as far as masculine visions go. He could simultaneously earnestly promote traditionalism, argue against every facet of what he regarded as modern degeneracy, and then fuck the shit out of me. Yet there was no contradiction in him, no self-loathing. No excuses. He lived in accordance with an absolute autonomy of spirit. When he fucked me, I was in absolute terms a woman to him. If he had fucked gigachad, I have no doubt that he would have called her a good girl after, and slapped her ass. I envied that freedom of spirit.

What do you consider to be the difference between all of your feelings up to this point and "dysphoria"? Do you consider this a substantial distinction between dysphoric and pre-dysphoric (whatever that means to you) feelings?

All of early transition is a process of recontextualizing the past in accordance with a new narrative. In this case, I actually think both perspectives are useful - but I typically hold dysphoria to begin when one first experiences physical insecurities about the body. Before I was 15, my desire towards being female was more whimsical and fantastic. It brought me humiliation and self-hatred, and a sense of being a defective male. But I did not acutely come to hate my body just yet. It was only when I first started seeing beautiful trannies and perceived the potential of actualization did that hatred begin to flourish.

[anthony]

Do you feel like you had a reasonably developed sense of a relationship with masculinity through how you saw it around you before you developed the fascination with femininity?

Honestly, not in the least. I frankly did not understand masculinity, and immediately resented the caricature I perceived of it.

Interesting. Do you feel like you bounced off of masculinity before you could even conceive of it? Where I'm going with this line of questioning is do you think you could take a stab at where your divergence from masculinity started? Do you feel like it was something innate, or a kind of very early socialisation? Or perhaps something different entirely? Or even too murky to ever even try to call?

Extensively. JRPGs starting at Final Fantasy 7, Metal Gear Solid (and all its sequels), Unreal Tournament, Planescape: Torment, Disgaea, Morrowind, GTA3 (and onwards), Warcraft 3, TF2, WoW, DoTA, DayZ… These days, I’ve become the Fromsoft meme. I still play MMOs occasionally, though I lack the time needed to get as hype-invested in them as I once did.

I played MGS 1&2 before I turned 13. They had a deep and lasting influence on my psychology, oriented my initial readings in philosophy, and perhaps traumatized me in certain ways. I also participated in the closed beta of WoW. A cursed and evil game, but it was an incredible awe-inspiring experience to be there in those early days - to find friends and community there, where I lacked them IRL. I don’t really feel that kind of awe from games anymore, and it was perhaps something that could only be experienced if one was present when optimism was still pervasive.

Aside from Metal Gear do you feel like you took much from any of these? And could you elaborate on what you took from Metal Gear? And games aside do you feel like any particular media/art was particularly formative for you? I started on video games because I feel like they're the big decisive one for our time.

Gurren Lagann comes to mind. As does Berserk. Cowboy Bebop. The arc of Shirou in Fate/Stay Night. More recently, Red Dead Redemption 2.

Same questions for these. It sounds like your interpersonal relations are what opened your mind and made you tolerant of a place like this, but do you feel like the media was any kind of priming or shaping influence?

This might sound crass but I have to ask. If you were able to find appealing alternative masculine visions of the world to your retarded dago prole-man of the house, how did this still happen? Is your reading a kind of "Oh that's nice, but not for me"? Do you feel like masculine ideals you might value are beyond you, not worth it, simply not as appealing as chasing feminine ones?

but I typically hold dysphoria to begin when one first experiences physical insecurities about the body. [...] I did not acutely come to hate my body just yet. It was only when I first started seeing beautiful trannies and perceived the potential of actualization did that hatred begin to flourish.

So you're saying it doesn't *hurt* until it becomes conceivably real and becomes a deprivation? At least in your case? Do you feel like this is more or less the common experience? Any thoughts on "dysphoria" in general?

And thanks again for your willingness to answer. It's nice to not be completely stumbling in the dark on this subject for once.

[Illustrious]

Wanted to ask Zed if he/she(/xir?) got routinely bullied growing up. I share a similar story with shitty-absent father and lack of masculine role models, but I'm sure that also getting bullied because kids somehow picked on my autism since I was 5 didn't help to ingratiate myself into the masculine ideal.

FYI I'm a man and don't plan to transition but never got to feel myself fully "masculine" in the old or idealised sense. Sometimes I fantasize about being a woman but I think it's mostly something picked from porn, which idealizes and centers itself on female pleasure and turns males (the penis, the only thing visible usually) into objects. I quit a couple of years ago but my brain was damaged and I'm not sure if it will ever heal. I know I wouldn't pass anyway and life under trannydom would be hellish, more than usual. You just have to abandon all rational thought to consider it seriously. I accepted I'm in the middle of nowhere basically.

[Zed]

...

Do you feel like you bounced off of masculinity before you could even conceive of it?

I believe that is partially correct. As my conception of it came into focus, I felt as if I lacked some core virility required to be masculine. I did not have a sufficient interest in athletics, competition, and aggression. Given my predisposition for more solitary/academic/autistic activities, I was utterly unable to interface with the grug-style masculinity you described above. I think it goes further though. It is extremely difficult to maintain or develop any masculine self-regard when one is preoccupied with fantasies of being a female. During the early years of puberty, I began to consider the strong association between masculinity and desirability to women. Particularly, female attraction is a measurable metric by which one could gauge one's status in relation to other boys. I believed these fantasies rendered me permanently undesirable to women - for what women would ever desire a male who wishes to be female. Thus, I felt like I was unable to ever ascend toward masculinity. The reasoning is specious, but you can begin to see the kind of mental connections that shaped my initial perceptions of gender: High Status Man ~ Masculine Man ~ Desirable to Women

Aside from Metal Gear do you feel like you took much from any of these?

Absolutely. I was philosophically oriented at an early age, but I lacked the resources to cultivate that until I turned 13 or so. Before then, and it is embarrassing to speak of it, I was very stimulated by the politics/philosophy present in video games. There was at least a depth there that was not present in any of the garbage that could be found on cable TV. FF7 sent me thinking about environmentalism and the consequence of capitalism on the planet. Xenogears pushed me to question to the existence of God.

And could you elaborate on what you took from Metal Gear?

A fascination with memetics and genetics that will persist for the rest of my life. My first serious encounter was with genetic determinism, nihilism, and fatalism. The final speech by psychomantis haunted me for years after hearing it:

And each mind that I peered
into was stuffed with the same single
object of obsession. That selfish
and atavistic desire to pass on
one's seed... it was enough to
make me sick. Every living thing
on this planet exists to mindlessly
pass on their DNA. We're
designed that way. And that's
why there is war. But you... you
are different... You're the
same as us. We have no past, no
future. We live in the moment.
That's our only purpose. Humans
weren't designed to bring eachother
happiness. From the moment
we're thrown into this world,
we're fated to bring each other
nothing but pain and misery. The
first person who's mind I dove
into was my father's. I saw nothing
but disgust and hatred for me
in his heart. My mother died in
childbirth... and he despised me
for it... I thought my
father was going to kill me.

To me, as a child, I felt incredible truth in this. It was hard not to look at my peers and adults and see all of life as reducible to an automatic and thoughtless pursuit of fucking. The desire to fuck or be fucked was encoded in every aspect of our culture. Reiterated in every social structure I saw around me. It was irrational and seemed to annihilate any potential transcendental meaning of existence… And all roads eventually circled back to ‘Fuck’. When I became intensely interested in mathematics and physics, it was because it seemed to posses exactly the transcendent values I felt were absent elsewhere in life. I couldn’t, and still cannot, believe in God in any way other than in a vague and pantheistic sense, but I could believe in the beauty of mathematics. Past this, MGS1 oriented my entire philosophical development, and the pursuit of the concepts Kojima laid out led me to Nietzsche, and thereafter left me in a nihilistic purgatory for nearly a decade. It is interesting to remark that my engagements with both Kojima and Nietzsche left me with conclusions opposite to those intended. That said, my engagement with N’s thought was also what later led me out of a nihilistic frame. Amor Fati and all that.

Same questions for these. It sounds like your interpersonal relations are what opened your mind and made you tolerant of a place like this, but do you feel like the media was any kind of priming or shaping influence?

Not so much. I was always curious about spaces whose beliefs were regarded as extreme, from Stormfront to Monkey Smashes Heaven. As a teenager on SomethingAwful, I spent a substantial amount of time researching extreme beliefs and trying to make sense of the psychologies/personalities that were attracted to them. I think I wracked up a few hundred or so posts on Stormfront’s Opposing Views subforum back in 2007. I disagreed with nearly everything, but certain things seeped back into me. That said, I did not treat the right sympathetically until around 2014 or so, when I became largely disillusioned with the majority of other trannies and our culture. I expected an underworld of people similar to myself and found instead moralfaggotry. Extensive thought policing. Around then, I met the guy I mentioned - and experienced a rapid, painful, and traumatic political awakening. Gamergate happened, and though I was already a tranny, I did feel a crisis of allegiance. The people being suppressed were still, in a very real sense, my people. We shared, in large part, similar childhoods and tastes. And though I became a tranny, part of my heart went with them. Perhaps I’m overdramatizing that - the real crisis of conscience came with the election of Trump. Discussing that would take me too far afield.

If you were able to find appealing alternative masculine visions of the world to your retarded dago prole-man of the house, how did this still happen? Is your reading a kind of "Oh that's nice, but not for me"? Do you feel like masculine ideals you might value are beyond you, not worth it, simply not as appealing as chasing feminine ones?

I absolutely appreciate the beauty in the masculine ideal, and I hold men who pursue truth and greatness in the highest reverence. I don’t regard the ideal as beyond me, as much as I try to approach aspects of it from within the context I have chosen to live. I have an absolute lack of attraction towards women, and thus any masculinity I could ever aspire to would remain detached from them. Yet I am also an extreme romantic, and part of what remains enchanting to me about being a tranny - even more than a decade into it - is the nature of love between trannies. The idea of altering and modifying our bodies for each other, the beauty and the perversion of that. Past that, the implicit and natural bond that can be fostered under such conditions, with the right person. My wife is much like me, and she is both my lover, my best friend, and my confidante. I think few men in history have ever had the privilege of experiencing romantic love with someone whom they can share everything with, and who is able to lose themselves to discussions of philosophy beneath the stars. There is an artistic and aesthetic component to this experience, and the pursuit of it comes from a spirit of authenticity rather than conformity. As such, I think there is something masculine in it an assertion of one's will, though most would not see it as such. As for other aspects of masculinity, I still have a sense of ambition and there are many projects I wish to complete before I meet my end, though I’m still at a point in my life where I am focused on acquiring the necessary resources and financial security to pursue them

.... Some edits --

So you're saying it doesn't *hurt* until it becomes conceivably real and becomes a deprivation? At least in your case? Do you feel like this is more or less the common experience? Any thoughts on "dysphoria" in general?

I don't want to posit this as universal, but I believe it to be largely true. Absent the potentiality of realizing it, there would have remained a sense of wistfulness, and a sense of brokenness. I certainly would not have been normal and may have ended up just a weird form of gay. I think the 'Virtual Dysphoria Machine' concept above comes the closest to distilling the whole experience: Dysphoria actively generates, reproduces, and multiplies itself. And the most intense physical dysphoria is experienced during the early stages of transition, at least for most trannies. It is also memetic. Insecurities about particular aspects of the body are a social contagion, and genital dysphoria is the most perfect example. People can be meme'd into it, and people can be meme'd out of it. Though, the latter is much more challenging than the former. The trick is that it almost always sits upon a foundational belief "I am unlovable as I am" — trannies who find stable and secure relationships will often find that their physical dysphoria dissipates, at least if they feel that their lover is genuinely attracted to them. 

Wanted to ask Zed if he/she(/xir?) got routinely bullied growing up. I share a similar story with shitty-absent father and lack of masculine role models, but I'm sure that also getting bullied because kids somehow picked on my autism since I was 5 didn't help to ingratiate myself into the masculine ideal.

She, but I don't particularly care here. I was bullied quite a bit, and was often called a faggot. This bothered me immensely. I felt a deep paranoid fear that people could see through me --- could they see the fantasies I harbored in my soul? I wondered if everyone around me knew the nature of what I was. As with many bullied kids, I entertained many violent and sophisticated mass murder fantasies that I played out routinely in my head.

[Guest]

For most of my early childhood, my mother (who had severe BPD and Borderline Personality Disorder) dated a low-IQ Italian man whose idea of entertainment was getting drunk and watching football/NASCAR - or getting high with his guido bros. And the man who I considered my father was miserable and self-hating, with terminal case of oneitis. Either way, I felt a revulsion towards this peasant masculinity as early as eight years old, and I could not see myself in any of them, or in my peers. I could not understand men as anything but brutish.

I have perceived the low-IQ manliness at a young age but I never fantasized about being a girl, probably not just because there wasn't anyone to groom me into it but also because there was a "cool" factor in the cartoons I watched as a kid. I remember telling my mother around the age of 9 that I liked spikes (sharp and calculated) more than hammers (blunt and moronic), which I both associated with men. I had little interest in some of the things the other boys talked about at the time (sports and cars) and hated PE class because I wasn't so competitive, the other boys would swear and insult each other and I didn't care to do it back at them.

The tranny is a splinter of the lumberjack in the sense that you can only be a man if you grow a beard, drink beer and cut wood and if you don't, you're a woman (sissy). The lumberjack/dollar shave manliness is prescriptive and performative and only focuses on secondary male characteristics and ignores something vital: if a man does it, it's manly. If the sensitive young boy fails to realize that he too has a say in what being a man is, he's to become a tranny and even then he is still a "man", as fantasizing about being a woman is perhaps the most manly act. Women have no reason to fantasize about something they already are.

[Zed]

I have perceived the low-IQ manliness at a young age but I never fantasized about being a girl [...]

This has some solid observations. If whole of 'gender theory' can be said to contains a single truth, it is simply that gender is largely performative. It is also something everyone is acutely aware, at least eventually, even if some are more naturally inclined towards the automatic socially expected performance. People automatically gauge the behavior of higher status individuals, and attempt to graft those aspects onto themselves. The tranny (or the incel) recognizes the performative aspect of it early in life due to their failure to properly perform it in accordance with social expectations; however, the more acutely you recognize and autistically distill the performative nature of it, the more you feel the weight of artifice. 

As example, if a prodomal tranny considers the possibility of repression and attempts to envision a future as man, understood in terms of their own psychological caricature of masculinity - they acutely feel that the process would essentially be a lifelong performance. Alone, that is not bad. The real issue that the performance would be a fundamentally neurotic one, characterized a intense fear of being discovered. A life of secrecy. We've inherited a set of cultural stories about cross dressers who went on to get married and have kids -  only to be caught by their wives one-day to be divorced and lose everything. Now, femininity is still an active performance for a tranny, but it is also one without this covert neuroticism. Instead, it involves a far more overt and observable neuroticism. Although lumberjack masculinity may have been possible, it contradicts one of the more fundamental desires in human intimacy: the desire to be understood. This one of the bits of mental calculus that some people (including myself) used to justify our decision.

[Guest]

I have perceived the low-IQ manliness at a young age but I never fantasized about being a girl [...]

This has some solid observations. If whole of 'gender theory' can be said to contains a single truth, it is simply that gender is largely performative. It is also something everyone is acutely aware, at least eventually, even if some are more naturally inclined towards the automatic socially expected performance. People automatically gauge the behavior of higher status individuals, and attempt to graft those aspects onto themselves. The tranny (or the incel) recognizes the performative aspect of it early in life due to their failure to properly perform it in accordance with social expectations; however, the more acutely you recognize and autistically distill the performative nature of it, the more you feel the weight of artifice. 

As example, if a prodomal tranny considers the possibility of repression and attempts to envision a future as man, understood in terms of their own psychological caricature of masculinity - they acutely feel that the process would essentially be a lifelong performance. Alone, that is not bad. The real issue that the performance would be a fundamentally neurotic one, characterized a intense fear of being discovered. A life of secrecy. We've inherited a set of cultural stories about cross dressers who went on to get married and have kids -  only to be caught by their wives one-day to be divorced and lose everything. Now, femininity is still an active performance for a tranny, but it is also one without this covert neuroticism. Instead, it involves a far more overt and observable neuroticism. Although lumberjack masculinity may have been possible, it contradicts one of the more fundamental desires in human intimacy: the desire to be understood. This one of the bits of mental calculus that some people (including myself) used to justify our decision.

No, that isn't something everyone is acutely aware of because it isn't true. It only seems that way to you because you mentally broke yourself by trying to manifest your most deranged fantasies into real life. To people who aren't psychosexually deformed, male and female social roles are just a basic constraint of existence and not something that has to be obsessed over and willfully materialized one way or the other. I've never struggled with any idea of "becoming" a man except in the sense of maturing from a boy to an adult. Your second paragraph is fascinating in the same vein of gut-wrenching curiosity as looking at shock videos or serial killer interviews, but it is 100% alien and not something common that you "recognized early".

Given that I am a man, acting in certain ways will advance my position toward achieving my goals; other behaviors will tend to harm my position, or else are categorically unavailable to me to begin with. I've never felt the slightest urge to sperg out or act like a freak over this, in fact it's so intuitive that it's only by encountering weirdos like you that I would even bother to put it into words. I observe that I certain problems or situations happen to me because I'm a man, and yet the idea that I could solve or otherwise separate myself from these circumstances by PRETENDING OTHERWISE is not the product of a sound mind.

Any influence I take from other men about "how to be a man" so to speak is simple learning, no different than watching an experienced workman use a tool to achieve a particular outcome in a given situation. The neurotic obsession (you get a few points for honesty on that observation) that this constitutes some kind of artificial "performance" exists entirely within your twisted mind and likewise within your fellow deviants. Imagine making a similar statement about any other role:

"Being a carpenter is largely performative."
"Being the president is largely performative."
"Being 6'2" is largely performative."

This is all beyond facile, it's just retarded gibberish. You take certain actions that are likelier to advance a goal; you develop certain attitudes that make it easier to act; you present a context-appropriate aspect of oneself to interface with society; you cultivate certain habits in response to immutable constraints on your life. In between the details you make decisions based on preference, but not with unlimited scope taking precedence before physical reality.

Notice also how the examples above conflate practical and social roles with physical traits in the same format, because that's exactly what trannies do. The carpenter is a functional skill, the president is an executive decisionmaker with ceremonial duties, and being a certain height is just a physical fact. Manhood is all three of these things, and yet in no case is the "performance" an arbitrarily interchangeable fiction. Likewise, the president may be the most "performative" of the three, but by no means can he up and decide to "come out" to the American people that he was actually the pope all along!

There is nothing substantive, real, or true about this idea. Man and woman are simply a pre-existing fact of reality, your only option otherwise is to be wrong and insane. Furthermore, your insistence that being a demented tranny gives you special insight into some shared phenomenon inhabited by everyone else, is no less offensive to the well-formed mind than a bum shouting aimlessly at an empty sidewalk. You are delusional for pretending to be a woman, and even though you show much more candor than the average tranny, you are still doubly delusional for thinking that your mental illness represents a legitimate intellectual perspective, or that it somehow reflects anything about the human condition that isn't utterly horrible and should be immediately shunned. You aren't the avant-garde of a more fluid future, you're a case study of information pollution.

[Zed]

No, that isn't something everyone is acutely aware of because it isn't true... given that I am a man, acting in certain ways will advance my position toward achieving my goals; other behaviors will tend to harm my position, or else are categorically unavailable to me to begin with...

Had a feeling that would be misread. Let me spell out exactly what I mean, and make it crystal clear for you.

Gender exists on top of sex - it is the higher level process whose form jointly-shaped by the underlying biological components and the ambient culture. However, it absolutely is a fucking performance: Women dress a certain way, consciously varying their fashions according to seasonal expectations. Men find successful bodybuilders and imitate/adapt their sets. Pick-up artists used to debate the utility of negging, autisticly analyzing every aspect of male-female sociosexual interaction. Are these means to achieve certain ends? Sure. Elevated social status is an end. As is sex. Sex is the biggest end. And many people do many things for sex. I bolded the verb 'acting' in the above quote. And no, it is not intended to be a cheap gotcha. Do you understand why I did that? 

And these are just conscious examples, it goes much deeper - we subconsciously correlate behaviors/mannerisms and engage in a process of physical mimesis. Men hold cigarettes differently from women. Have you noticed that? That is a performance, but it is not one that you need to be self-aware of. Certainly she isn't aware of it - and you probably aren't either. She might not have ever thought about it for a second of her life - simply subconsciously picked up from a friend. So many things are like that. However, if she held her cigarette as a guy does, you would be far likely to notice. When I speak of performance, I am not implying that all people are consciously hyper self-aware of every action they take, but rather that they have been shaped either by culture, or intentionally by themselves, or act and behave in a certain way in accordance with social gender norms. 

At certain levels extreme autism, both men and women fail utterly in their performance and you can witness something close to the absolute ungendered ideal: Overweight, messy hair, sweatshirt and sweat pants, awkward cadence, and extreme physical clumsiness. That is the absolute zero of gender, and the place from which all intensities can and should be measured. Masculinity and femininity are not opposites, they are divergent directions branching off from one and the same asexual Eunuch Zero.

Now, it might happen that all of these things come naturally to you. They don't for everyone. A large number of people (and not just trannies) have to make an effort to actively learn and train themselves to properly conform. If you're a boy and you sit with your legs the wrong way, you get called a faggot. If you are a girl and you speak too loudly and aggressively, you get told the behavior is ugly and unfeminine. We cannot say that there is a single socially optimal performance of femininity/masculinity, but there certainly is a class of performances which are widely (or were widely, before our current year) socially approved of. This process of conforming to them, for reasons I've outlined above, is particularly impaired in trannies.

Man and woman are simply a pre-existing fact of reality, your only option otherwise is to be wrong and insane.

Since when did I speak of men and women? I have nearly exclusively spoken of masculinity and femininity in nearly every post I've made... which is to say - the performative gender aspect. Literally almost no one, right or left, either in the present or past, would ever assert that all men are masculine - or all women feminine. In fact, we often grant that men can be unmasculine (or even feminine) as an insult. Men have been insulting other men by comparing them to women before the dawn of time. And this can only makes sense if you grant some reality to the concept/construction of gender. At which point you must ask: Is it innate? Is it a socially constructed performance? I lean towards performance, but shaped by certain (nearly impossible to isolate) innate factors. 

Read my posts for what they are, and cease attributing the words of your preconceived strawtroon onto me. I am not saying the same thing as them.