Poll: You must choose
You do not have permission to vote in this poll.
Mario
7.46%
5 7.46%
Luigi
8.96%
6 8.96%
Peach
0%
0 0%
Toad
14.93%
10 14.93%
Yoshi
26.87%
18 26.87%
Donkey Kong
11.94%
8 11.94%
Wario
13.43%
9 13.43%
Bowser
16.42%
11 16.42%
Total 67 vote(s) 100%
* You voted for this item. [Show Results]

Mario Kart - Amarnite Personality Test
calico
[Image: mario.jpg]

Choose wisely...
Guest
I choose Bowser (can't vote). Let this imply that all Guests are Bowser players from now on.
anthony
When I was a kid I'd pick Luigi in a lot of games, but in Mario Kart 64 I remember liking pretty much everyone. The 3D renders for this character select screen are really cool. I think I'll still vote Luigi for the sake of the old preference.
GraphWalkWithMe
Yoshi is the proper Gamer's Choice. Fatass characters have always sucked, picking the girl is gay, if you pick Mario you're deeply neuroatypical.
calico
I've never met a Mario player in any Nintendo game who was not autistic.
PIGSAW
Wario or Bowser, but I wasn't happy until they added Shy Guy.
[Image: 0b065d24f0c9a57c24af80cac8885ba2.jpg]
a system is failing
CTR master race
NuclearAbsolutist
I have always picked Toad because of his cart.
[Image: 3RVIe13.gif]

“Power changes its appearance but not its reality.”― Bertrand De Jouvenel
carcinoEugenicist
DK niggas rise up
oyakodon_khan
Wario shows great cultural insight from the Japanese point of view: the evil version of an Italian is a Jew.
Muskox
Luigi or Yoshi out of these. In Mario Kart 8 I normally pick Waluigi.
Guest
Mario - the plain protagonist, painted in the projections of the player, about as exciting as vanilla ice cream
Luigi - the beta male orbiter version of Mario, surprised so many amarnites gravitate to him naturally, frankly quite condemning
Peach - chances are you are a woman or a homosexual
Toad - the gamma male of Nintendo's socio-sexual hierarchy
Yoshi - if you want to play a lizard but are also a homosexual
Donkey Kong - probably the only sane option, embodying the need to RETVRN, Donkey Kong is a more primordial figure than Mario, remember: Mario appeared in Donkey Kong's game first, not the other way around
Wario - playing yet another derivative of Mario but this one is evil - WOW
Bowser - the non-gay lizard option, honestly if you cannot go for Donkey Kong, this is a decent ersatz, still a derivative though, as he is not the original antagonist


If you play a game of Mario Kart, you want to be an unstoppable force, something your opponents instinctively fear: Donkey Kong is the only rational choice.
Reverend Moon Immortal
(05-15-2023, 02:43 AM)Guest Wrote: Mario - the plain protagonist, painted in the projections of the player, about as exciting as vanilla ice cream

I like vanilla ice cream. Mario Kart—Mario is the protagonist—who wants to be a side character? He is the first pick, number 1. Mario’s supposed to win in his own game, it’s a perversion if you play as any other character. The only reason you do not pick Mario is because someone else already picked him, implying your already second place in real life. Winning and losing—if you are not first you are last. Every day I tell myself with my fist raised to the sky in a triumphantly defiant tone “I am the main character.” Can you say the the same with like self-assurance? 

Stay losing—it defines you—complements you completely in its self-realizing nature.
Guest
(05-15-2023, 03:26 AM)Reverend Moon Immortal Wrote:
(05-15-2023, 02:43 AM)Guest Wrote: Mario - the plain protagonist, painted in the projections of the player, about as exciting as vanilla ice cream

I like vanilla ice cream. Mario Kart—Mario is the protagonist—who wants to be a side character? He is the first pick, number 1. Mario’s supposed to win in his own game, it’s a perversion if you play as any other character. The only reason you do not pick Mario is because someone else already picked him, implying your already second place in real life. Winning and losing—if you are not first you are last. Every day I tell myself with my fist raised to the sky in a triumphantly defiant tone “I am the main character.” Can you say the the same with like self-assurance? 

Stay losing—it defines you—complements you completely in its self-realizing nature.

To reiterate a previous poster: "I've never met a Mario player in any Nintendo game who was not autistic."
Reverend Moon Immortal
(05-15-2023, 06:29 AM)Guest Wrote:
(05-15-2023, 03:26 AM)Reverend Moon Immortal Wrote:

To reiterate a previous poster: "I've never met a Mario player in any Nintendo game who was not autistic."

By what criteria did you evaluate my post to reach the conclusion that I(Mario player) must have been autistic? You are not talking in pure theory but instead making an assertion about reality therefore you must adduce evidence from my post to corroborate your diagnosis. I want nothing less then an elaborated dissection of my post—this is the Amarna forum, a place for the cream of the crop. Do not disappoint me!
PIGSAW
(05-15-2023, 02:43 AM)Guest Wrote: Mario - the plain protagonist, painted in the projections of the player, about as exciting as vanilla ice cream
[...]
Donkey Kong - probably the only sane option, embodying the need to RETVRN, Donkey Kong is a more primordial figure than Mario, remember: Mario appeared in Donkey Kong's game first, not the other way around
[...]
If you play a game of Mario Kart, you want to be an unstoppable force, something your opponents instinctively fear: Donkey Kong is the only rational choice.

>Uses "plain" as a pejorative
>Donkey Kong

[Image: 72d81763f3482b517a6d39195d335742.png]

Did you know there's a movie coming out about Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
It's because of people like you.

De vuelta a México contigo.
[Image: 0b065d24f0c9a57c24af80cac8885ba2.jpg]
calico
(05-15-2023, 02:05 PM)Reverend Moon Immortal Wrote: By what criteria did you evaluate my post to reach the conclusion that I(Mario player) must have been autistic?

I'm not the Guest in question (I would never hide behind anonymity) - but you certainly do write like a Mario main.
kirukuni
Whichever feels the least like a human. If there was an option to play as a toaster, I would have picked that. Failing such, the monster is acceptable.
Guest
I've always been partial to Luigi because I'm a norwood oldtroon coaler. I always sympathized with his number 2 beta status, and was envious of those with the self-confidence to choose more assertive characters. My weak, bugman physiology left me powerless to pick or identify with all but the weakest character. At times I've wished I could at least troon out and become a Peach man/woman, but even this is beyond the capabilities of my frail, neutered psyche. I remember finishing second to the boyfriend of a girl I had been rejected by at a Science Communication Club party who, predictably, had chosen Mario. After losing both the final race and the championship to a blue shell, I said "It's so funny how Mario always gets better luck than anyone else." He told me that's why he chose him and laughed to himself; I began violently slapping my forehead and moaning about how unfair it was, but obviously I was too weak for the forehead slaps to really hurt. Maybe if I wasn't NPC biological detritus I would've fought him or something, but if there's one thing the educational system has taught me, it's that decent people direct their pain inwards.
anthony
(05-16-2023, 10:49 PM)Guest Wrote: I've always been partial to Luigi because I'm a norwood oldtroon coaler. I always sympathized with his number 2 beta status, and was envious of those with the self-confidence to choose more assertive characters. My weak, bugman physiology left me powerless to pick or identify with all but the weakest character. At times I've wished I could at least troon out and become a Peach man/woman, but even this is beyond the capabilities of my frail, neutered psyche. I remember finishing second to the boyfriend of a girl I had been rejected by at a Science Communication Club party who, predictably, had chosen Mario. After losing both the final race and the championship to a blue shell, I said "It's so funny how Mario always gets better luck than anyone else." He told me that's why he chose him and laughed to himself; I began violently slapping my forehead and moaning about how unfair it was, but obviously I was too weak for the forehead slaps to really hurt. Maybe if I wasn't NPC biological detritus I would've fought him or something, but if there's one thing the educational system has taught me, it's that decent people direct their pain inwards.

You seem to be trying to sell the idea that you find this place absurd, but if you aren't genuinely reached and upset by us why would you do this? Satire is about superiority and distance. You might as well have just posted a picture of your crying face instead of writing this.
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