[Image: https://i.ibb.co/khyhwKG/undertale2.png]
We make it to Snowdin, and the real challenge begins.
Despite me trying to do a purely textual playthrough of Undertale, I discover that this is far from enough to win the challenge and that I was far from "getting" the victory conditions - that is, realising the wretchedness and mediocrity of Toby Fox's millenial soul, that, by the point I met Sans, I should already be there. My build had a key weakness that may prove fatal, and in order to beat the challenge I decided to use what I call the "sociological" strategy: some people call this strategy cheating, but I just think it's an alternative way of winning. I restarted the game, this time I thought of naming my character Ness, but I refrained from it because I thought it disrespectful, and instead picked up Yukio, a japanese name. Walked through the ruins, killed Cow Mother by accident, reloaded a save, spared Cow Mother, and kept heading to Snowdin.
[Image: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LYS8Ef17E5g/maxresdefault.jpg]
By the time I encountered Sans the Skeleton I was already ready to hate him. To train my stats, I had been grinding by repeatedly updating the #sans tag on Tumblr, and could already relate his character design and manner of speak to several 2006-2015 online subcultures that would eventually spearhead the faggot movement - and I had seen so much pornography by this point to make sure my eyes were more than accostumed to detect the spiritual sickness within Sans. This part took many more hours than playing the game itself, but I knew that the moment that skeleton shook my hand he was going to die. Not in reality, by which I mean in game, but in my head, as I am still aiming towards a True Pacifist run for the sake of this challenge.
The battle starts,
[Video: https://youtu.be/LYS8Ef17E5g?t=60]
After not laughing at the fart sound, I immediately reacted against Sans's clothing by noting that despite being a skeleton, there's nothing in it to make him look like the embodiment of death that he is supposed to be representing: he's wearing a hoodie, not a leather jacket, and at no point Sans looks like he could rape the protagonist, which is something a walking skeleton might reasonably do. The defenses of the game have been vastly lowered. This is a good set-up for the following big move, in which I press that one of the games core downfalls is the hypocritical lack of any real aggression. Children's tales used to include cannibalism in them, this game doesn't look made by a child, but rather, by someone in his early 20s. Someone already rotten. I can easily cheese the game now. I win against Sans, because of course I do, I get no experience because this is a dialogue and not a fight.
After Sans is intellectually destroyed, the game is wholly defanged and this challenge turns easy. Snowdin becomes a cakewalk in which I am free to compare every screen negatively to something made formerly. Assured in the game being a result of the millennial malaise, I am able to just skip all the Papyrus puzzles: against reactionaries you can always win with quick enough reflexes. After making sure to have the game well tied as a product of western decay, which renders this challenge null: gameplay wise, I am a God, and pretty much unstoppable. This challenge has become a speedrun. I am sorry, everyone.
I cross a millennial town built without any japanese funding, and I go through it as fast as I can.
[Image: https://oyster.ignimgs.com/mediawiki/api...wdin10.JPG]
The level ends with Papyrus's boss fight, but I already grew immunized against his lack of commitment to its themes (which are hate of violence and hate of difference). Papyrus means nothing to me, for I know nothing truly good could come out of him. The game lacks any artistic integrity, and hence it's very easy to be on the offensive whenever we risk not getting it. This is how I beat Undertale. While I started the challenge believing that this game would be a steep mountain to climb, it turned out to be a hole in the ground.
And now, to the final blow: I mercy Papyrus by telling him that his fight was just "okay". Nothing special. I say even that I find it a bit exciting towards the end. I tell him that it's a solid effort by one man, and that at the end of the day, despite being far superior options out there - it was still interesting to play. This is the final strategy to win this challenge: mercy someone can end a fight in a far more conclusive manner than destroying him. EarthBound taugh me this.
[Image: https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/7/7...4.jpg.webp]
I know the challenge is in my hands now, and I am filled with determination. But also, I blame now this game and the ilk who like it for being the reason why Rockstar Studios hasn't give Kikiyama a deal yet, and after twenty two hours of playing, and angry about it, I call it quits for the day.
We make it to Snowdin, and the real challenge begins.
Despite me trying to do a purely textual playthrough of Undertale, I discover that this is far from enough to win the challenge and that I was far from "getting" the victory conditions - that is, realising the wretchedness and mediocrity of Toby Fox's millenial soul, that, by the point I met Sans, I should already be there. My build had a key weakness that may prove fatal, and in order to beat the challenge I decided to use what I call the "sociological" strategy: some people call this strategy cheating, but I just think it's an alternative way of winning. I restarted the game, this time I thought of naming my character Ness, but I refrained from it because I thought it disrespectful, and instead picked up Yukio, a japanese name. Walked through the ruins, killed Cow Mother by accident, reloaded a save, spared Cow Mother, and kept heading to Snowdin.
[Image: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LYS8Ef17E5g/maxresdefault.jpg]
By the time I encountered Sans the Skeleton I was already ready to hate him. To train my stats, I had been grinding by repeatedly updating the #sans tag on Tumblr, and could already relate his character design and manner of speak to several 2006-2015 online subcultures that would eventually spearhead the faggot movement - and I had seen so much pornography by this point to make sure my eyes were more than accostumed to detect the spiritual sickness within Sans. This part took many more hours than playing the game itself, but I knew that the moment that skeleton shook my hand he was going to die. Not in reality, by which I mean in game, but in my head, as I am still aiming towards a True Pacifist run for the sake of this challenge.
The battle starts,
[Video: https://youtu.be/LYS8Ef17E5g?t=60]
After not laughing at the fart sound, I immediately reacted against Sans's clothing by noting that despite being a skeleton, there's nothing in it to make him look like the embodiment of death that he is supposed to be representing: he's wearing a hoodie, not a leather jacket, and at no point Sans looks like he could rape the protagonist, which is something a walking skeleton might reasonably do. The defenses of the game have been vastly lowered. This is a good set-up for the following big move, in which I press that one of the games core downfalls is the hypocritical lack of any real aggression. Children's tales used to include cannibalism in them, this game doesn't look made by a child, but rather, by someone in his early 20s. Someone already rotten. I can easily cheese the game now. I win against Sans, because of course I do, I get no experience because this is a dialogue and not a fight.
After Sans is intellectually destroyed, the game is wholly defanged and this challenge turns easy. Snowdin becomes a cakewalk in which I am free to compare every screen negatively to something made formerly. Assured in the game being a result of the millennial malaise, I am able to just skip all the Papyrus puzzles: against reactionaries you can always win with quick enough reflexes. After making sure to have the game well tied as a product of western decay, which renders this challenge null: gameplay wise, I am a God, and pretty much unstoppable. This challenge has become a speedrun. I am sorry, everyone.
I cross a millennial town built without any japanese funding, and I go through it as fast as I can.
[Image: https://oyster.ignimgs.com/mediawiki/api...wdin10.JPG]
The level ends with Papyrus's boss fight, but I already grew immunized against his lack of commitment to its themes (which are hate of violence and hate of difference). Papyrus means nothing to me, for I know nothing truly good could come out of him. The game lacks any artistic integrity, and hence it's very easy to be on the offensive whenever we risk not getting it. This is how I beat Undertale. While I started the challenge believing that this game would be a steep mountain to climb, it turned out to be a hole in the ground.
And now, to the final blow: I mercy Papyrus by telling him that his fight was just "okay". Nothing special. I say even that I find it a bit exciting towards the end. I tell him that it's a solid effort by one man, and that at the end of the day, despite being far superior options out there - it was still interesting to play. This is the final strategy to win this challenge: mercy someone can end a fight in a far more conclusive manner than destroying him. EarthBound taugh me this.
[Image: https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/7/7...4.jpg.webp]
I know the challenge is in my hands now, and I am filled with determination. But also, I blame now this game and the ilk who like it for being the reason why Rockstar Studios hasn't give Kikiyama a deal yet, and after twenty two hours of playing, and angry about it, I call it quits for the day.