Letters to the Void

A new month. Nothing has changed.

I woke up kind of early and thought about making sausage and eggs, but Mackenzie was in the kitchen using her stupid egg sandwich thing and talking on the phone with Ellie, who's even fatter than she is. I wouldn't have renewed the lease if Ethan didn't promise to make sure Mackenzie didn't invite her over anymore. I just microwaved a breakfast sandwich and ate it in my room. From what I could gather they were planning some kind of girl's night out at this shitty hibachi place next to a nail salon. 

I was running kind of late for work because my breakfast sandwich took forever to cool down, so I didn't stop anywhere for my usual Monster Java. I got even more pissed off because even though I got lucky with traffic and clocked in right on time, Will still bitched at me for being late. When I told him I was on time he pointed at his phone, which said it was 9:01. I told him to check the software but he didn't care. He said the fact he had to pay attention at all was "thr real problem." 

It was really slow all day, even slower than it has been. I visited the new GameStop across town last weekend and it was easy to see why. Our store looks like a dump compared to theirs, but I guess that's what you get when Will's your manager and he hires morons like Joey because "at least they show up on time." Ever since the other Jeremy switched to part time I haven't had anyone to talk to, either.

Fortunately I had the living room to myself since Ethan was at Mackenzie's, so I rewatched the first couple Indiana Jones movies and got pretty drunk. The new one was pretty disappointing but it did make me want to watch the old ones, which was probably the point. Eventually I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until the neighbors started screaming at each other at like 4 am. I almost called the police but I heard their door slam and a car drive off so I figured whatever was going on had resolved itself. 


It was nice to have a day off. Being slow like it has been is even worse than when it's super busy because the time passes so slowly, which makes time pass even faster when you're not working. I thought I'd been playing Fallout 4 for forty five minutes but when I looked at the clock two hours had already passed. 

I got lunch with Patrick at the new Chinese place next to my GameStop which made the day pass even more quickly. He's doing okay but I could tell not being able to find a job is getting to him. It's obvious the Lauren fiasco really got under his skin, but Lisa seems to be a bit classier so I think he'll be okay. 

When I was driving home I dropped my vape and traffic was really bad so I couldn't look for it. When I finally got to a red light it immediately turned green, which pissed me off even more, especially since I couldn't vape to calm down. 

Ethan and Mackenzie did delta 8 again tonight. Usually they only do it on Fridays, or at least that's the only day they do it enough to get really fucked up. It's his apartment as much as it is mine, but it's not fun being bombarded with questions about whether love is an illusion while you're trying to heat up tacquitos. They sort of argued with each other through the questions they asked. Ethan started by asking whether I thought "love wasn't a beautiful illusion," then Mackenzie asked if that was "too materialist," which Ethan was convinced I'd find "itself overly romantic." It looked liked he'd beat Mackenzie with that, but then she asked if someone who doesn't believe in love is capable of experiencing love in less delicate terms. I said I thought it depends on the person, which they both found really insightful to my aggravation. I unconsciously slammed the microwave when Ethan said "We're trying to describe the indescribable again" and started laughing along with Mackenzie. After a few seconds Mackenzie told me to "Do it again," which Ethan repeated. Soon they were chanting "do it, do it, do it." I took my taquitos to my room at that point and ate around the frozen centers.
So this is life in America...

I dreamed that I was walking on a balcony in some kind of mansion. It overlooked a living room with fancy furniture and a big fireplace. I felt like I'd been there before, like it was my house and I forgot I owned it or something. Someone knocked on the door and I felt a really strong sense of dread. Just as I heard the door start to open I woke up, luckily with enough time to shower and pick up a Monster Java, although they only had the caramel flavor in stock. 

Traffic was light on the way to work, which helped me snap out of the funk the dream put me in, but when I parked I noticed an ambulance and a bunch of EMTs right outside of GameStop. Apparently a homeless guy overdosed by the front door. I didn't get a good look at him but it was still pretty sad to see. When I mentioned it to Will he said "At least he didn't get inside" and told me to go talk to an obese goth throuple that was looking at our Nintendo Switch selection.

I still felt bad about the homeless guy and wasn't hungry so I just spent my lunch chatting with the cooks at the Chinese restaurant when they came out to smoke. They all look really weird in a way that's hard to explain. They're mostly white guys, but they all have really weird faces, like they had to get faicial reconstruction after an accident or something. This doesn't stop them from flirting with the waitresses when they come out to smoke. The waitresses also have weird faces, but they mostly they just kind of have man faces. If they didn't have female frames you'd wonder if they were trans or something. Just before my lunch ended a waitress with purple hair named Tammy came out and started loudly disussing her sex life with Kurt, who from what I understand is in charge of the fryers. As soon as she came out he made his fucked up smile and asked her if she's "feeling better,' and she told him that he knew she was. They were silent for a second and he told her "Be careful though, Ricky's a loose cannon." She said a different waitress named Taylor had already filled her in. Kurt chucked his cigarette at the pavement as hard as he could and said "Shit your shit just keeps getting filled in" and winked at her. I thought it was kind of disgusting, but she just said "You know it" and lit her cigarette. Just before Kurt reached the back door she called out "Ayo," When he turned around she said "yeti dick" and he started laughing. After the door slammed behind him she noticed me vaping and said "that's Kurt for you," which sort of confused me. 

The afternoon was pretty busy for once, which in combination with everything else meant I was ready to zone out as soon as I got home. I did some of the Markarth quests and had a better time than I thought I would. Their gameplay is mediocre, but it's my favorite environment in the game besides Riften. 

For once I woke up early enough to make breakfast and Bitchkenzie wasn't in the kitchen. I made two eggs, two sausage patties, and an english muffin with strawberry jam. I put a little too much pepper on the eggs but other than that it was great. Work is always easier to deal with when you know at least one good thing already happened to you that day. 

Around eleven Jerome came in to pick up a Pikmin amiibo and say hi. He told me I should join him at Sheetz because the pay is a bit better, but I prefer to work in an industry I'm familiar with. Just as he was leaving this fat hispanic guy walked in and started talking to Joey. They talked about some weird fighting game for a bit. I was shelving when Joey said I could help him and ducked into the restroom. He does this all the time. The customer didn't even have a difficult request, he just wanted me to show him where our used PS5 games are. When Joey came back out twenty minutes later I politely asked him why he couldn't help the guy himself, but he just said he thought "I would do a better job." Looking back I thought this was probably passive agressive, but it really didn't sound that way and I've done a pretty good job keeping my true feelings about him to myself. 

When I got back from my lunch break I saw a guy from corporate go into Will's office and shut the door, which was strange because Will went to a meeting with corporate earlier this week. About an hour later he came out and inspected the store, then called me into the office. He asked Will to leave and took his seat, which was pretty funny. I could tell Will was pissed, especially since I hadn't came in late that morning. He asked me if I'd noticed a drop in sales, which I had. Then he asked why I thought that might be. I said I thought it might be because of the new location nearby, but he told me "operations evaluated that before opening the store" and asked if I had any other ideas. I didn't, so he thanked me for my time and told me I could head back to the salesfloor. 

I left the living room for a few minutes to use my bathroom, which was just enough time for Ethan and Mackenzie to take over the TV. I heard them come in just as I was flushing, which really pissed me off. One of the more frustrating parts of the lottery is how you never know when you're playing it and when you're just experiencing a consequence. I was Skyrimmed out and hadn't found a different game to get into, so I wound up watching the movie they were watching with them and having a couple beers. I can sort of tell by Mackenzie's voice when her medications are working or not. When they are, like tonight, she's usually tolerable. The movie had a foreign name I can't remember and it was pretentious even by Ethan's standards. For the first thirty minutes or so I thought it was going to be a heist movie about a guy who's down on his luck doing what it takes to support his family, but instead the protagonist just lost everything in jail and eventually started killing and robbing people to get revenge on society or whatever. It was the worst kind of pretentious where it pretends to not be pretentious at all, and on top of that it tried to make a really smug point about how it was all the fault of the kid who cheated the protagonist in the first place. A few seconds after it finished he said he was "speechless," which is an oxymoron, and looked at me like he wanted to know what I thought. We both know by now he doesn't, so I just said I liked the ending, which was more interesting than the rest of it. Mackenzie used this stupid cutesy voice to say it was "so sad" and Ethan gave her a hug, which made me shudder. 

A few minutes after I got in bed I heard a noise in my closet and went to check on it. The door was cracked open a bit and I thought I saw a car fly by. When I opened the door there I found a six lane highway in a tunnel packed with traffic. At the end of the tunnel I could sort of make out the neon lights of a big city. I shut the door and opened it again and the tunnel was still there. Over time there were fewer and fewer cars, until eventually it was empty. An eight foot tall man in a gas mask with a rifle started walking towards me from the side opposite the city, which is when I woke up. 


Having Saturday off is always great. I started reading a book called A Scanner Darkly because it's by the guy who wrote the book behind Blade Runner, which the book store didn't have. I liked what I read so far, but I got the impression it does the thing where the authot makes the plot hard to follow as a substitute for having an interesting plot. 

I hung out at Patrick's for a bit but nothing really happened. He wanted me to download some betting app so he could get a reward, but sometimes he gets a bit too into it and I didn't really want to encourage that. A little before I left Lisa showed up and he predictably started to act kind of indifferent towards me like he did with Lauren. It doesn't bother me as much this time because Lisa isn't a whore and it's kind of funny that she makes more money than him. 

Ethan and Mackenzie got into some kind of argument that resulted in Mackenzie leaving, but when I went to ask Ethan if everything was okay he was already back in his room. In the past I would hope maybe they were finally going to break up, but she always shows back up a day or two later like nothing ever happened.
You should probably kill yourself.
(08-07-2023, 09:09 PM)oecolampadius Wrote: You should probably kill yourself.

Without Jeremy who will bear witness? I'm not wading into this hell.

The drive to work after a day off always sucks a little more than usual. The shift itself started out okay because I was working with the other Jeremy instead of Joey for once, but after some lady snapped at him for pushing a warranty for her copy of the newest Sonic game he got stuck in a shitty mood. He kept talking about how he hates working here, even though he's only part time. I said something like "I know, right" but he cut me off and said "This isn't a joke," so I just left him alone for the rest of the day. 

I was really hungry at lunch so I went to Taco Bell and got one of their deluxe meals. I wouldn't say any of the items were bad, but they all could've been so much better if a little more care was put into them. The burrito had all the cheese packed into one end which was at the opposite side from where I started, so by the time I got to it half of the cheese had dropped onto the wrapper. They went really skimpy with the beef on the taco, and the chalupa was cold by the time I got to it. I was kind of annoyed with myself, too, because I remembered that happened last time and I had made a mental note to eat the chalupa first. 

Fortunately the rest of my day went alot better. I had the apartment to myself when I got home, so I played smash online and went on a hot streak. Iirc I won four of the seven games I played and the last three in a row. I also tried the Negra version of Modelo and thought it was significantly better than the regular version. it has a richer, smoother taste.

I stepped out front because I thought I heard Ethan and Mackenzie talking and didn't want to wait to find out if she was coming in, but they weren't there and there was a really nice sunset, so I sat on the porch and vaped for a while. The wind blew a scratch off in front of my apartment, which made me think about the lottery. I noticed it only cost two dollars, which made me wonder if maybe it isn't really a lottery but a casino instead, where you have some control over how much you gamble. This cheered me up for a bit, but then I realized it didn't really make sense. Sometimes people make a really small bet like driving to the store and wind up getting killed by a drunk driver or some kind of brake failure. For a little bit I thought maybe it's more like karma, but I've known pretty decent people who got into bad car accidents. 


While I was driving to work I stopped at a red light and noticed a girl a couple lanes over. She was really gorgeous and looked like she went to a nearby university. She was talking to someone via her car's bluetooth and started laughing, and as she laughed she looked out her window and our eyes met. I know she was just laughing at whatever the person she was talking to said, but it still felt like she was smiling at me. A moment later some older woman stopped in the lane between us. She wasn't old old, but she definitely wasn't young and was somewhat overweight. The distraction made me drop my vape and before I could find it the light turned green. 

When I got to work I was surprised to find the guy from corporate was there again. He was weirdly stand-offish and responded to me saying "Hi" by nodding at me with a frown and disappearing into Will's office for the rest of the morning, which was probably a good choice because we had three guys with really bad body odor problems come in back to back. Only one of them was fat too, which is unusual. None of them bought anything either. 

I'd packed a ham and cheese sub I made for lunch, so I spent most of the break vaping in the alley way. Kurt was smoking with a dishwasher named Baron and talking about some woman who came in. They both made a big deal about how they'd have sex with her, like it was a contest or something. After I'd been out there a few minutes Kurt asked what games I like, and added "I bet you like those weird games." I wasn't sure what he meant by "those" but I didn't want to look like a snob so I just said I'd been playing smash alot recently. Baron said "I know what I'd like to smash," which made Kurt laugh and start talking about the woman at the buffet again. I wasn't really sure what to say so I just said my break was over and scrolled twitter in the bathroom. I knew the Trump lawsuit thing was fucked up, but I hadn't realized just how fucked up it is. 

Joey was extra slow during the afternoon, to the point I wondered if he was on something. Jeffrey would work high, but he could handle it and if anything it made him better at dealing with customers. Every single time Joeynhad to give someone change he dropped coins on the ground, and twice he charged someone's credit card more than he was supposed to. The second time he fucked up the return too, which made the customer demand I help them instead. After that I asked if he was okay, but he just said the corporate made him nervous. When I told him corporate had left while he was on lunch he looked really relieved, but his work didn't get any better. 

Ethan was home without Mackenzie, which was nice. I didn't have to work the next day and his job is really chill, so we invited Patrick over and had a few beers. It was nice to have the gang back together. Patrick and Ethan have sort of been in a stand-off since Patrick told Mackenzie to "shut the fuck up" at a party after he lost a bet and she went on some rant about how betting apps are unethical or something.
Your life confuses me in ways I cannot articulate. Is there something you're not telling us?
(08-09-2023, 01:55 AM)JohnTrent Wrote: Your life confuses me in ways I cannot articulate. Is there something you're not telling us?

It confuses me to, man. The same thing where I dropped my vape and didn't have a chance to pick it up just happened to me a few minutes ago; now I'm stuck in a traffic jam but the battery's dead and I lost my charger. Sometimes it feels like God or whoever is trying to tell me something, but it's never clear whar. Obviously I can't share everything that happens, but I try to share the important stuff. If it helps this was my previous blog before I lost interest and eventually couldn't log in https://tunisbayclub.com/index.php?threa...-void.900/
(08-06-2023, 09:48 PM)Jeremy Wrote: I left the living room for a few minutes to use my bathroom, which was just enough time for Ethan and Mackenzie to take over the TV. I heard them come in just as I was flushing, which really pissed me off. One of the more frustrating parts of the lottery is how you never know when you're playing it and when you're just experiencing a consequence. I was Skyrimmed out and hadn't found a different game to get into, so I wound up watching the movie they were watching with them and having a couple beers. I can sort of tell by Mackenzie's voice when her medications are working or not. When they are, like tonight, she's usually tolerable. The movie had a foreign name I can't remember and it was pretentious even by Ethan's standards. For the first thirty minutes or so I thought it was going to be a heist movie about a guy who's down on his luck doing what it takes to support his family, but instead the protagonist just lost everything in jail and eventually started killing and robbing people to get revenge on society or whatever. It was the worst kind of pretentious where it pretends to not be pretentious at all, and on top of that it tried to make a really smug point about how it was all the fault of the kid who cheated the protagonist in the first place. A few seconds after it finished he said he was "speechless," which is an oxymoron, and looked at me like he wanted to know what I thought. We both know by now he doesn't, so I just said I liked the ending, which was more interesting than the rest of it. Mackenzie used this stupid cutesy voice to say it was "so sad" and Ethan gave her a hug, which made me shudder.

I haven't read something this bleak since Dostoyevsky.

Reminds me of this thread, which is entertaining if you're interested in roguelikes or also suffer from mild erotomania: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showth...id=3718266

I've noticed a pattern where I always have this inclination to visit my stlore when I have a day off. Every now and then there's a game I want to buy and forgot to or whatever, but usually there's no real reason to go. Sometimes I think it's too flex on whoever's shift it is, but I think it's really because I subconsciously have to prove to myself I'm not working. The night before I've already worked, so the box is checked, but on the day itself there's a feeling something's off. My brain tried to trick me by making a big deal of whether corporate came back again, but I remembered I could just ask Joey tomorrow. I thought about just checking what other jobs are available, but I felt the same way ar Wendy's so I'm pretty sure it's a work thing and not a GameStop thing specifically.

I read a bit more of the book, then decided to start a new playthrough of Cyberpunk 2077. It's not the best game I've ever played, but it was nice to go from a fantasy world to sci fi. I was able to really lose myself in it, which is the important thing. I decided to get Chipotle for dinner after I'd had my fill of gaming. The burrito bowl itself was pretty good, but being there reminded me of Veronicunt, even though it was a different Chipotle, so I decided to finish it at home. This was a big mistake

As soon as I pulled up I saw Mackenzie's car, so I took a second to vape and brace myself. When I got it I was so focused on getting to my room I didn't really hear what they were talking about, but before I could turn the corner towards my room Ethan kind of loudly said "How about you?" I didn:t want to be a dick to him, so I asked what the question was. Mackenzie asked in a really loud voice "Doesn't it feel like a Tuesday?" I shuddered so hard I dropped my Chipotle bag and sort of stammered that I hadn't  really thought about it that way. Luckily the lid held tight for once and I was able.to finish it in my room. The lottery has a way of reminding you that even when you have a bad turn it could've been even worse.
Take it to r/lit faggot

A very boring day. Losing my vape charger and getting stuck in that traffic jam was the only interesting thing that happened, but I just bought a new one on my lunch break. I hadn't realized you could vape while it's charging.


When I woke up I felt pretty good and rolled around a bit, but then I realized I hadn't heard an alarm. I immediately checked my phone and realized I had slept thirty minutes into my shift. I called the store to let them know I was on the way and got there ASAP. For a second I thought I was about to get a speeding ticket and make what was already a shit day even worse, but fortunately the cop car blew past me and pulled over a hatchback a few cars ahead of me. 

When I finally clocked in Will immediately told me to come to his office. I assumed it was for the usual bitch session, but instead the guy from corporate was there and asked me to shut the door. Will started to say something, probably blaming the store's performance on me not always showing up on time, but corporate put up his hand to shut him up and told me in so many words they were closing the store soon and that I should start looking for a new job. I asked about the new location but they both sort of dodged the question. I just felt really numb for the rest of the shift, I didn't even eat lunch. Some weirdo who called asking about a refund said they thought I was a robot when I answered the phone. Before I left Will started talking about how he thought I was alright and would miss working with me to cheer me up, but when I asked if I could use him as a reference he said "If you start coming in on time" in a way that made it impossible to tell if he was joking or not. 

I didn't really do anything for the rest of the day, I just screwed around on my phone. I couldn't really taste my grilled ham and cheese and I didn't even feel like drinking. Something about using my phone felt strangely reassuring. 


Fortunately my alarm worked and I got to work a couple minutes early, just in case Will was serious, but he wasn't even there. This meant I was the most senior person clocked in for once and was able to decide what we worked on, which was cool. It was bittersweet to taste the promotion that never came. In some ways I was starting to feel some optimism at the thought I wouldn't wind up working here the rest of my life, but there was also a strong sense of what might've been if I wasn't working for an idiot like Will. I could tell Joey was pissed about it too, even though I didn't even ask him to do anything beyond what he normally would. 

Since I hadn't ate much yesterday I was pretty hungry and decided to splurge on a double quarter pounder with cheese meal. It all tasted pretty good but also didn't last as long as I would've liked. A meal should take longer than a few minutes to eat. 

I played Cyberpunk for a bit when I got home but it couldn't take my mind off everything like it was earlier this week, and I had scrolled through just about everything there was to scroll through, so I walked to a nearby gas station and picked up a six pack of Voodoo Ranger, then asked Ethan for a delta 8 gummy. In retrospect I don't even think I was that bummed about losing a job I hated, it just felt like what I was supposed to do and kept me from worrying about finding a new job. I wouldn't describe myself as finanically irresponsible, but I'm no Dave Ramsey and didn't have much to work with anyway. Ethan and Mackenzie were going to watch some gay art film about people pretending to be retarded, but I think because of my situation they agreed to watch Blade Runner instead, which everyone really enjoyed. Nights like this make the usual pretentious slop even more annoying because it's obvious he (and Mackenzie) enjoy actually good movies more.

When I woke up I was still kind of high so I just drank some water and went back to sleep. Between the edible and the beers I was super thirsty, so when I drank the water I could sort of feel it spreading through me the same way a shot of liquor would, it was pretty cool. 

I woke up again a bit later and was really hungry so I started walking to the kitchen, but I heard Mackenzie's voice so I just got back in bed. The same thing happened again after that. The third time I just walked in there, but when I got to the kitchen all of our stuff was gone and I could sense someone walking up behind me, which is when I woke up again and repeated the hear Mackenzie's voice go back to bed process. The fifth time I heard her voice but she wasn't there. I saw a huge shadow pass the front window, followed by a very loud knock on the door, which is when I woke up for real. I'm still not sure if any of the times I just got back in bed were real or not. I couldn't hear Mackenzie's voice this time, but when I got to the common area I found her sleeping in a fucked up position on the couch. I took it as an excuse to get Wendy's, which was better than it usually is. 

I didn't really do anything until that evening, when I went to Patrick's for a few beers. The first hour or so was pretty chill, but he'd placed a bet on the baseball game he had on and the team he bet on (iirc the Milwaukee Bruins) fell behind and he started to get really pissy about it. He'd say stuff about how his middle school team was better and the umpires were biased against the Bruins. After they got three outs without tying it up he yelled "Fuck!" and stomped as hard as he could, which made Lisa come out of his bedroom and ask him to "keep it down" because she was doing something for her job. For a second Patrick looked like he was going to throw his beer at her, but the anger left his face and he just said he was sorry. He almost lost it again a couple times after that until the Bruins took the lead and eventually won. I was happy he won, and it was nice of him to share some of the winnings by ordering us all b dubs, but I was also annoyed because it gave him more ammo to pressure me into gambling with him, even though I've made it clear I'm not interested 500 times by now.

I woke up without hearing the alarm again and freaked out, but fortunately I had woke up an hour early for whatever reason. I thought about going back to bed but didn't want to risk it, so I had some frosted mini wheats and made sure to leave early. 

A little while after I clocked in Joey asked if "the store was really closing." I asked him where he heard it, and he said Will and the guy from corporate told him. I wasn't really sure how to respond and settled on asking him why it wouldn't be. He stammered a bit and asked "They're really going to close our store?" He looked heartbroken for some reason, like he had thought it was all a prank. As much as he gets on my nerves I didn't want to be a prick, so I just told him to look on the bright side. We'll both probably get paid more somewhere else and won't have to deal with Will anymore. He said "I guess, it just doesn't feel fair" which confused me. A customer was walking up to us so I was spared having to come up with more things to say. 

About an hour before I got off this woman walked in with her son. I try not to judge people on first impressions but she looked pretty rough and the son looked kind of off. He wasn't retarded or anything, but he was wearing a dirty FNAF shirt and couldn't talk without yelling very loudly. A minute or two after they arrived he screamed "Mom, I found it!" and brought a copy of the RE4 remaster to the counter. I'm not especially religious but he was probably eight years old and playing games like that when you're that young can't be good for you. 

I was able to get back into Cyberpunk again when I got home, which was nice. I was still nervous about finding a new job, but it was good to feel a sense of normality start to return. 


Work today felt very routine, aside from the fact I arrived a few minutes early and was pretty sure I could smell booze on Will's breath when he told me the final day we're open will be a week from Friday. I was honestly kind of relieved it wouldn't be any longer. A small part of me wants to quit now, but Will's reference could be the difference between getting a job I'd like and settling for something like going back to Wendy's. 

When I got home I decided to check out what jobs were available near me, which was pretty depressing. At first it looked like there was a ton of options, but then I realized they were all variations of the same three or four themes. If you don't have a degree or certificate in a specific field your options are basically customer service, manual labor, call center, or some kind of "administrative assistant" role, whatever that means. Some of these looked okay, like pest control or working towards being a bartender, but none of it really appealed to me the way GameStop did (before I actually started working there, lol).

When I woke up my intention was to spend some time applying to jobs, but I didn't wake up until 11 and was pretty hungry, so I decided to heat up a frozen pizza. It needed approximately 25 minutes to cook, and I didn't feel like starting the job search until I ate. I had a little less than half of it and tupperwared the rest. I felt kind of bloated so I decided to vape on the porch for a bit until my digestion kicked in, but it waa pretty humid so I decided to vape in the living room instead. I thought about how I'd only have the apartment to myself for so long, so I figured it was better to game while I could and apply later. I started playing smash, but I wasn't at my best and spending the time I had losing felt like a waste. I thought maybe it would be even better to relax and watch a movie alone on the big TV, but I only had about two hours left at this point and every single movie I felt like watching was longer than that. The possibility of someone walking in and ruining the end was too likely so I decided to play a single player game, but I don't really have any I haven't already played too much of. Eventually I remembered a FNV save I'd left right after I killed Benny when the game opens up, but then I remembered I had abandoned it because the only files I had were either an hour into the game or with very low health in the middle of Tops casino. Iirc at the time I was interrupted by Ethan asking if I knew where I put the remote (even though the TV has buttons), and foolishly assumed I'd taken care of the hard part and was safe to overwrite the previous save. I tried to escape for like an hour but I was too low on ammo and consumables.. If I used a cheat or something I would've felt the rest of the run was tainted, and if I used the earlier save I might as well start all over. It didn't feel fair because I've been religiously making sure autosave is on for over a year but still got punished for not doing it before. In the end I went back to Smash until Ethan and Mackenzie arrived, which is when I went to polish my resume then apply for some jobs.

The job I was trying to apply for as an amazon affiliate delivery guy forced me to apply through its website, which forced me to convert my doc resume file to a pdf, but when the pdf loaded the formatting was off. It wasn't too bad but enough to potentially make a difference. The hire date at past jobs was on the line above the dash and the end date. I tried to convert the pdf back and fix that, which just fucked it up even more. Some lines were on top of each other and there were pages between different sections of the resume. I was so pissed I decided to take a break, and figured maybe having a beer to calm down would help. After I started drinking it I realized I needed to get a buzz going and deserved it after the pdf nightmare. Ethan tried to talk me into watching a movie with him and made it sound somewhat interesting, so I decided to watch it and do a late night application push, but after a few minutes I remembered it's the one where the nun cuts heself in a sensitive area and dipped out. There's no countering the argument you've seen it before and didn't like it. I grabbed another beer on the way to my room and focused on the resume. I tried a number of forum suggestions and even checked reddit, but nothing worked. After maybe an hour and a half of this I realized I could crop screenshots of the original file to a pdf, but wasn't sure if this would interfere with keyword searches. By this point I only had an hour or two or left before it was back on the grind and I refused to spend it mad at my computer. I recovered the night a bit by heating up the rest of the pizza and watching some speedrunning documentaries. 


I clocked in with one minute to spare. Everyone decided to leave the gas station at the exact moment I got back to my car with my Monster Java, and two or three of them had to make left turns onto a busy road right next to an intetstate. It felt like a really bad lottery moment until I parked at work and realized I had a couple minutes left to spare. Once again I couldn't tell if I had won or lost but couldn't really complain. 

It was probably my last day with the other Jeremy and Will was hiding in his office with alcohol + weed breath, so I went on lunch a little early and risked a customer complaining to say goodbye, but he was vaping out back with some of the Chinese buffet's employees. I waited a couple minutes and went back in with him and told him I hope his life goes well and everything. He looked sort of confused, then said "You too" and shook my hand. It left me in a weird mood so I just had a gatorade and some beef jerky for lunch. 

I messed with the resume for maybe fifteen minutes after I got home and decided to just risk the screenshot pdf then recreate it in a different word processor, which worked. It was a pain to constantly switch between tabs to make sure I got the wording right, but it was worth it to know that tomorrow I can apply for jobs without the hassle of re-editing it.
Jeremy I find your taste in video games very interesting.
(08-17-2023, 11:54 PM)anthony Wrote: Jeremy I find your taste in video games very interesting.
I've never really thought about too hard, but if I had to guess why I like the games I do it all goes back to when I got an Xbox 360 with Skyrim when I turned 13. I don't think I'll have as much fun gaming as I did then. You could say that sort of defined what a great game is for me, even if looking back I can acknowledge it has issues. There's some other games like Smash I like just because I played them long enough to be decent at them and don't want to grind for months on a different game to reach that point.

Edit: I wanted to add an entry tonight but I'm pretty drunk and have the place to myself so I'm going to watch a movie instead, will try to get back to it tomorrow.
I have been following Jeremy for quite some time and am still disappointed he has yet to join a far-right wing terrorist network of some kind.

I had a dream that I was back in school and walking down the hallway with Claire. We were just walking to class and chatting about whatever when the fire alarm started going off and I noticed the fire was spreading towards us. Just as we ran through the front door I woke up and snoozed my alarm, but I didn't fall back asleep. 

The only interesting thing that happened at work was that as I was finishing my Monster Java a gnat or something flew into my mouth. I could only stop swallowing so fast but I was able to get a significant amount of the sip into the trash can, although it's impossible to say whether this worked or not. As far as I know gnats don't really spread disease, so it shouldn't be a big deal. 

It was nice to finally get a few job applications sent, although I almost hope they get rejected because the jobs sound pretty boring. The feeling of having got something done did make the PBR I had taste a bit better. Sometimes when I drink I feel kind of guilty about it and focus on whether I'm enjoying it too much.

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