Virtue Wrote:icycalm Wrote:But when you tell them to do 1, 2, 3 steps to get girls, they do nothing. Or they try for a week, and then give up...
Why is it that the main stumbling block for people who try to understand incels seems to be paying attention to what they think and say about their own predicament? Many people seem genuinely incapable of assimilating new information and moving beyond their preconceptions wrt to this topic. This guy has moved beyond
one of his preconceptions, but only by plugging his ears. He's deduced that they must be
lying about everything, for no personal gain (and much loss), or at least totally deluding themselves (again for unclear reasons). But even just taking a cursory glance at incels.is, I saw a thread with this OP:
Quote:I went to the grocery store to get some goyslop and beers (on a Monday, truecel life) and this female cashier (same age as me) at gave me a free discount thingy to save me some money.
She then looked me in the eyes with a smile and said jokingly 'Aren't you going to say thank you' and I autisticly smiled back and said thank you. She kept smiling, looking at me all the time even when I was walking away. She was so cute. Crazy ropefuel tbh, imagine how it must feel to have a gf who looks at you like that, hugs u... kisses u. Brutal mane. I legit almost cried when I got to my dorm. I cannot take it anymore bros. I don't know if I should rōpe.
How could anyone read stuff like this and come away with the idea that these people don't
really want female companionship? That they're just saying they do and making their lack of it central to their identity because of "peer pressure"? This is a massive COPE so that he doesn't have to feel bad for them anymore.
Sometimes I worry that I project too much of my own psychology on incels, and impede my understanding that way. I wonder how many people who write things like this are just
prototypical sex havers who can't understand not wanting to fuck anything that moves doing the same thing. But it's not fair to impugn icycalm this way, because the rest of the quote is somewhat insightful, and he even reverse-engineers the incel desire for
meaningful sex and relationships himself. So what's preventing him from getting it? He states that he lost his virginity
before having his first love affair; would he understand if someone felt disgust toward doing those things out of order? But turnip gets right to the heart of the issue here:
turnip Wrote:The point bears repeating that modern relationships are so often dysfunctional just because they no longer really make sense or have a clear function, thus end up being based on feelings that are largely unconscious and fleeting. This is not evidence that they are some vehicle of personal growth and development. To anyone who is observing their surroundings, they will increasingly seem like a banal and demeaning labor that has to be forced.
Increasingly, it's not just that incels might not get "the real thing" if they have sex, but that they might not even get it if they get in a relationship. Something that really struck me when visiting high school friends at college was observing how meaningless and stupid their roommates' relationships seemed. They were like marriages of convenience. Entirely passionless, completely without stakes. Of course, these types of relationships are hardly anything new, but things have certainly skewed that way in recent years. How many people today might, on seeing
Pagliacci, wonder why Canio didn't just take a chill pill? When was the last time a story like
Pagliacci was told in popular media? Used to be very common. But now they're forcing Welsh rugby fans to stop singing
Delilah because it "promotes violence against women." Maybe this is another reason for the appeal of girls with BPD. One way to hopefully avoid a low-stakes glorified friends-with-benefits relationshit.